Happy Catholic Birthday to Me!

I have not yet gotten used to getting e-mails from people wishing me a happy feast day.  I like it. It's like having a second birthday.  Thanks to everyone who has sent me "happy feast day" emails, and if I don't get back to you today, it's because my feast day is also a deadline day, so I will be spending it with my nose to the grindstone.

To all who have expressed concern: no, I was not in L.A. for the earthquake.  I was in an Italian deli in Chicago, trying to give my money to an elderly Italian lady who was convinced I was trying to steal a can of Orangina from her. (I had asked her if she was sure she'd wrung it up, which had somehow convinced her that this was one of those scams she'd seen on 20/20, and resulted in a lot of receipt checking and, I think, an extra $3.99 on my credit card, just in case...)

At which point, my cell phone rang and it was my daughter Julie, calling from L.A., where she was at home alone and wanted to report that there had just been an earthquake.  After establishing that she was safe and the house was still standing, and, in fact, nothing had fallen off of shelves, I told her a few things to do and sent her on her merry way.  Everyone (or, at least, everyone I know) who lives in L.A. has an earthquake routine -- things to do that give you the illusion of control.  Mine is this: if the power is still on, go to the Drudge Report and find out where the epicenter was.  Unless it's right under you, there's no real reason to panic.  Except that there's a (I forget the percentage) chance that what you just felt was the foreshock to the Big One.

Therefore, step two is to find the safest place in the house and stay in it for an hour.  After an hour, the percentage of chance that it was a foreshock goes down a lot.  Then you can roam at will, but wait a day before going into any buildings made of unreinforced masonry.  (My daughter works in one. I'm in denial about that.)

For the record, the experience of an earthquake and what you see on the national news have NOTHING to do with each other.  Even the coverage of the Northridge Quake (which was bad) was insane.  They kept showing the same collapsed building over and over, from different angles, until all of my east coast relatives thought that there wasn't a building left standing in Los Angeles. 

A 5.4 earthquake will knock over some grocery shelves at the epicenter, but all it does anywhere else is rattle nerves and make people stock up on batteries.  I couldn't believe it when I called home Tuesday night and my husband said the news was still all about the L.A. earthquake. Meanwhile, in L.A., I couldn't even find anything about it on the radio, with the exception of one very funny news team who was doing a spoof called "EARTHQUAKE 2008!"

When I first moved to L.A., my mom used to worry every time she heard something on the news about an earthquake, and back then we used to have them regularly, so she was worrying herself sick.  I finally told her that unless the news anchor mentioned my area of L.A., she shouldn't worry.  This was right before the Sierra Madre 6.0 quake.  I was living in Sierra Madre at the time.  (Many of our neighbors lost chimneys, and ours got red-tagged.) Now I have amended it to, "Unless they say 'Karen Hall was found under the rubble of her house' in wherever I'm living, don't worry."  And even then, it has to be the right Karen Hall, and there shouldn't be any great cause for concern unless they add the words "lifeless body."  And even then...

So here I am in L.A. with two deadlines and a pilot idea.  The older kids are now spread all over the country in colleges of their choices.  Chris and Caleb made the hell drive to Florida yesterday, along with two dogs. Boy, am I sorry I missed that. We're all going to meet up in NC again for the final week before Caleb's school starts.  Summer was way too short.

Except for one thing.  I seem to have picked up some sort of ailment.  I'll spare you the details, but Chris thinks it might have come from drinking the stream water.  The beautiful, pristine stream water. I had gone off on a long hike by myself and it was hot in the mountains that day, and here I thought I was being so healthy and natural and eco-friendly... And, I reasoned, I was well upstream of the horses.  But, as Chris pointed out, I was not upstream of the bears.  Or, as a wise and rurally-raised Jesuit friend added, the beavers.  And beavers, it stands to reason, don't stop their work to go poop in the woods.  They're busy.

So, as soon as I'm done with today's deadline, I will embark on another adventure with my friends in the white coats, and hope they can come up with something that can cure me of my romp with nature without further destroying my DNA. 

How did John Lawson deal with this sort of thing? Because I read the list of what he carried on his travels, and "water purifier" was not on it.

Consider yourselves updated.

Happy Feast of St. Ignatius to all my Jesuit friends.

Comments

[Histor]

Your ancestors dealt with it by carrying whiskey with them everywhere. Or beer.

Histor

[Karen]

Believe me, I thought of that! But I've also developed a stupid wheat allergy, so the big glass of bourbon I poured myself made my hands peel...

I feel like a car when it hits that point when you know you have to stop kidding yourself and trade it in.

[Tuppence]

Happy Feast Day (belated)!

PS. Switch to rum.

[joe]

Incidentally, a water purifier (say, a Brita pitcher) will turn cheapo vodka and rum into pretty close facsimiles of top-shelf.

Don't ask how I know.

-J.

[Karen]

And a capful of Captain Morgan rum will turn a bad glass of red wine into ... a less bad glass of red wine.

These are very important tips to have on hand for the End Times. I think we should co-author a book.

[Ebeth]

Happy Catholic Birthday....belated, as well.

How about a pomtini? Klink-klink!

[Maureen]

Obviously, what you need is some very potent "plum wine". Which is actually, it turns out, Japanese apricot liquor.

Or vodka. Vodka's potato, not wheat.

[JD Jones]

I just wanted to say that my family and I are recent converts to Catholicism (march 2008), and I wanted to let you know that you and your sister played a role in my conversion. I stumbled upon a show call Joan of Arcadia on the HDnet. It just so happened to be the first episode, any how I was changed by that show, it was as if God lead me to it. I know that sounds crazy but I was going through a serious crisis of faith and it was what I needed. Through my research on JOA I found out a little about you, your sister and your conversion. I thought I would research the Catholic faith. It took me awhile to fight with my protestant education but I realized the Catholic Church was my home. I want to thank you and your sister for being a part of that. Thank you and God Bless!

[Karen]

I can't tell you how much that means to me. I'll remember it the next time I'm having a horrible day in show biz. And in the meantime, I'll share it with Barbara.

Thanks so much for writing that!