A New Church Bulletin Game

When I was a kid, I used to alleviate boredom during the sermons (which averaged 45 minutes) by making up games with the church bulletins.  Sometimes I would count the number of "e's."  Granted, only marginally less boring than the sermon.  I would try to find words within other words.  I would look for typos.  Stuff like that.

Just now I was combing the current bulletin of one of our Orlando parishes (the one I call Our Lady of the Building Fund) trying to find a Mass schedule for today, and I was struck by an idea for a new church bulletin game.  Let's play "words or phrases we'd like to ban from church bulletins."

My number one choice is "our brokenness."

Please join in as the Spirit moves you.

Comments

[joe]

It's supposed to sound contrite in a bongos-and-kumbaya way, really is a of telling you how broke they are.

-J.

[Karen]

My mother-in-law always calls them on it. In a tone to which I can't do justice here: "I HOPE you are referring to the manner in which we are ALL broken as a result of Original Sin."

Imagine that with a Southern drawl, but without a smile.

[joe]

"No, ma'am. We're jus' broke."

-J.

[mj anderson]

"Community" ought to be banned. I detest:
"Blessed Trinity Catholic Community"

I need a church. Communities I have in overabundance.

[dad29]

"...building community..."

[Anne Yenny]

At the risk of being politically incorrect, I vote for "save the children". Mentioned weekly in the bulletin with monthly parish seminars to boot. Not to mention an endless series of articles in the Los Angeles Tidings. Makes our church leaders, all of whom are guilty at some level for NOT protecting children, appear to be concerned leaders. Meanwhile, makes parish priests and teachers, 95% of whom are innocent of EVER harming a child, appear suspect.

An eye-rolling moment every Sunday. Sometimes I think confession (for me at least) should be held immediately AFTER mass.

[SJM]

It means their theology is broken. As a result of broken theology, the church is broke. For instance, who wants to give money to a parish where the Assistant Pastor was acting the part of the Innkeeper in Don Quixote. He was off miles away practicing every day for weeks, and when the play opened he was at the theatre when the parish Deacon was rushed to the hospital and died. Since the Pastor was on a vacation and no one could get ahold of the singing/acting assistant priest, did the good and holy Deacon die without the last Sacraments? That is just palin disfuctional brokenness.

[SJM]

P.S. ...apparently much like my spelling.

[Karen]

But I notice that it's never about THEIR brokenness. Always "our" brokenness. To me it's code for "don't be surprised by what turns up in the headlines, I had a horrible childhood."

But I am a cynic by nature.

[SJM]

Of course it's NEVER THEIR brokenness. THEY are never a fault about anything (they think). I just like to turn things back around on them to show how broken - or whatever the problem is at the moment - THEY actually are.

[Local Fan]

Yes, all the churches in Orlando are broke but women take $1 million and that goes unnoticed for a while, a monsignor drives a nice BMW and has a better house than most folks in town, and another priest is investigated for how he got a boat load of money on WFTV tommorow.

[Lynn]

I too grit my teeth when a parish is referred to as St.________Catholic Community. So how is a community different from a parish?
I also cringe at the goal of striving for "diversity," implying that all ideas/groups/values are equal.

[Karen]

Of course, I have yet to mention the "Gay and Lesbian Ministry Potluck Dinner." Which I will continue to gripe about until I see the "Children Who Don't Honor Their Parents Costume Party" or the "Idol Worshippers Silent Auction."

[Kevin Jones]

"vibrant" gets my vote.

One parish mission statement I read began "We, the diverse members of this vibrant Catholic community..."

[BCatholic]

I ban "our story."

[Lynn]

"We, the diverse members of this vibrant Catholic community..."

AARRRGGG!

[Brian F.]

"Our Mission Statement" and some jargon that could be from a business report. Shouldn't the mission statement be the gospel??

[SJM]

How about this - shall we submit it to the bishop for approval?

Bulletin Mission Statement for Orlando Parishes: "

We, the diverse people of this vibrant Catholic Community, celebrate our story of brokenness by creating solutions to change the lives of who we really are in order to achieve individuality by unity with the manifestation of expectation in the inclusiveness of the People of God with our ultimate goal, after respectfully dialoguing about the pros and cons, revealing nothing."

Doesn't it make your skin crawl?

[Lynn]

Huh?

[Ray from MN]

Without a doubt the expression that drives me furthest up the wall is "our ___________ sisters and brothers." This one kills two birds with one stone, satisfying the call that "all may be one" and keeping the church feminists at bay.

The space can be filled with the name of the sect of the day: Lutheran, Baptist, Mormon, Zoroastrian, Pagan, JW, SDA, etc.

You also get extra credit for using the word "Islamicist."

[anon]

Very funny, everyone! I agree wholeheartedly with all the choices, especially "St. Whoever's Christian Community". I definitely prefer parish, because that's what it is! Another expression I dislike is "our separated brethren". Last one on the list: the continued reference to hymns as "songs", i.e., Communion Song, Closing Song, Opening -- you get the idea. End of rant. BTW. I'm posting as anon because fellow parishioners have mentioned seeing critical posts on other blogs, and didn't like it! That bugs me too.