I Can Explain: I'm Not Very Smart

Really, I'm not.

People have been telling me that I am since I was six, and I have been wondering why they think so. I'm pretty good at memorizing stuff (as long as I don't have to remember it longer than, oh, let's say a week) and God gave me a good ear for writing and I pick up languages easily, and from time to time something insightful occurs to me. But the intellectuals leave me in the dust in five minutes. Which, I presume, is why I have such a hard time getting along with Jesuits.

Trying to love the Jesuits reminds me of growing up with a brother who was nine years older than me. I followed him around constantly, amazed and puppy-eyed, wishing I could hang out with him and his friends -- they were so cool and they had a band! And while I followed them, they did everything they could to shake me.

I'm being blasted on another blog for having the "hubris" to offer the opinion that Liberation Theology strikes me as being materialistic. (I'm always being blasted somewhere for something, because I have opinions and a compulsion to share them. I wish God had given me thick skin to go with that combo, but He didn't.) I know I didn't do a good job of explaining what I meant -- partly because I was writing in a comments box and didn't want to get too wordy. But mostly because I'm not smart! And when it comes to things like religion and the meaning of life, I'm really not smart. I'm downright primative.

Jesuits beat me up with words like "Balthasarian". Meanwhile, most of my beliefs and opinions come down to what does and does not set off my "ooky" detector.

When I first returned to Christianity after my 15 year self-imposed exile, I met a lot of wonderful liberal Jesuits, and God bless them. I'd probably still be an agnostic without them. If anyone had come at me with orthodoxy back then, I would have run screaming in the opposite direction. When I left, I'd been a Methodist who'd been going to Mass for years. I knew that if I returned to Christianity, I was only interested in returning as a Catholic. I said to one of my liberal Jesuit friends, "I can't join the Church as an already disenfranchised Catholic" and he said, "Oh sure you can." And like I said, God bless him.

As I've learned many times in my life, God can work with anything. So without a bunch of pope-hating Jesuits that I met along the way, my now very orthodox butt would probably still be an arrogant agnostic.

My problem with liberal Jesuits, as has become my problem with liberal anything, is that they only love you if you agree with them. (Maybe this is true of both sides, I don't know. It's not true of me, which is why I stay frustrated.) The more I was pulled into alliance with the Church, the more Jesuit friends I lost. I lost the last one when I accepted a dinner invitation -- by way of my Third Order Dominican mother-in-law -- with Fr. Fessio. In fact, I discovered that if you have dinner with Fr. Fessio, there are only seven Jesuits on the planet who will speak to you after that.

Aside from not being smart, my other problem is that I was born in the wrong century. I know God doesn't make mistakes, so I'm sure this somehow fits into the plan. The North American Martyrs were much more focused on the next life, and I like that. I find this life exhausting. It would probably be less exhausting if I didn't live in California, but as we've established, I only have one marketable skill, and they don't pay you for it in rural Virginia.

People who read my blog probably remember a television show called "Nothing Sacred" that was on a few years back. The head writer was a Jesuit, and everything that was wrong with the show -- in my humble and non-complex opinion -- was what is wrong with post modern Jesuits. The soup kitchen was sacred, the tabernacle was an afterthought. Don't get me wrong, I am all for feeding the poor people! I just think we need to feed them more than soup.

There was one scene in the show that drove me nuts. The elderly (wise) priest said to the young pastor, "It's what we do down here (in the soup kitchen) that makes what we do upstairs (in the sanctuary) mean anything."

See, I think the exact opposite is true.

At the very least, one doesn't mean anything without the other. It seems to me that if Jesus hadn't died for us, we could feed poor people (or help them overthrow their governments) from now until the end of time, and it just wouldn't mean a damned thing.

But like I said...

I'm not very smart.

Comments

[Sr Lorraine]

"The soup kitchen was sacred, the tabernacle was an afterthought."

That's a great line, Karen!

[GenXCatholic]

If no other Jesuits would speak to you after you had dinner with Father Fessio, has it ever occurred to you that the problem may not be with the other 20,000 Jesuits in the world, but that the problem might be with Father Fessio?

[Karen]

You're right. My bad. I forgot that the majority is always right. Like in Nazi Germany. Or when Jesus was crucified.

But seriously. Guys who are trying to be holy, stop speaking to me because I wanted to hear the other side? And you think that's fine?

[Deanna]

Karen,
You may not be very smart but I'm an idiot. I don't know what you are talking about most of the time. I have no idea what a Jesuit is, I'm not Catholic (I'm not a very religious person at all really) so maybe that's why I have so much trouble following your blog lately. I didn't really understand the whole ebay thing,I don't know which side I was on in the Terri Shivao case, I just found it terribly sad, and I don't understand why it should bother me that Prince Charles married Camilla.

I'm sure people are thinking "Why come to a Catholic blog if you aren't Catholic?" I've ask myself the same question many times. I guess my defense is that I didn't know it was a Catholic blog when I started coming to it. I keep coming because I don't want to miss the occasional rant that I actually understand and have enjoyed in the past, the ones that made me think you were somehow my long lost twin or something. The only posts I really get are the heartfelt ones from Julie, telling you how much she loves you. That I understand and I guess that is what keeps me checking your blog. The stories about your kids and your life in crazy LA.

I'm not complaining about your blog subject. It's yours and you can write about anything you want. I just wanted to show you that even if you don't feel smart, you are a lot smarter than me. I don't get 90% of what you all are talking about, and yet I keep coming.

[Ann]

I have often thought fleetingly that I might read a little Hans Urs von Balthasar when I see his books advertised but the moment always passes. I wonder if I am Balthasarian? How could I tell? Should I ask my doctor?
Your larger point reminds me of my own reception into the Catholic church. After 5 years of thinking it over I had a very clear idea of what the church taught, but when I rang the doorbell of the nearest parish and signed up for RCIA was I in for a surprise. I learned pretty quickly to pipe down in class, because the more orthodox I sounded, the more dubious the priest running our class was that I would be "ready" to receive the Sacraments at Easter.

[Father Todd Reitmeyer]

I have another good Jesuit for your list that will bring you up to 8 that won't hate (hehe rhyme) you for being friends with Fr. Fessio.

Fr. Robert Bradley SJ.

If you want to drop me an email with an address I will send you a copy of my ordination card which features another Jesuit on it. Fr. Charles Suver SJ. He has gone on to his reward but the picture is priceless.

[Sara]

"My problem with liberal Jesuits, as has become my problem with liberal anything, is that they only love you if you agree with them. (Maybe this is true of both sides, I don't know. It's not true of me, which is why I stay frustrated.)"

With some of your comments, I would wonder whether this is true of you too.
First of all, check the historical context of the term 'liberal' - in contemporary society, it has been given connotations that do not illustrate what it truly is - for example, Bush is REALLY a liberal.
When you encourage others not to spill hate - how about practicing what you preach - I remember many moons ago, you comments about Islamic people that were quite insulting.

I agree with a lot of Deanna's sentiments about your recent blog postings - whilst I understand them, I loved reading about your crazy life in LA and the hilarious goings on of bringing up kids because I don't live there and I don't have children.

I also find it interesting your views of what Catholicism basically is - I'm not Catholic but I grew up and studied profoundly the faith, like many other ones. My family is Catholic and I grew up around nuns and brothers and I always thought the basis of Catholicism was to help the poor and misfortunate in society with a sense of social justice. Through this, you will lead them to Christ but without assistance, 'His' words mean nothing.

Maybe I just have a 'warped' view of Catholicism - heck, maybe a 'liberal' view in your eyes

[Mark Mossa, SJ]

I'll love you whether you agree with me or not! Life would be boring if everybody agreed with me!

[William Luse]

You sound pretty smart to me, ma'am.

[Karen]

Mark: How's this for a deal? You love me, I won't bore you!

And give 'em hell with that red ink, too. If it weren't for my "mean" teachers who traumatized me with red ink, I wouldn't have made it far in life.

[Patti]

"I'm all for feeding poor people, I just think we need to feed them more than soup."

Love that line! I trailed over to your blog after reading your comment on Amy's blog (Cardinal Law thread) about feeling like a counter-cultural freak just by trying to live a normal moral life. I have felt that way FOREVER. I'm going to provide a link to your blog on mine since I think I'm going to enjoy your wry humor!

[Sr. Anne]

I wish someone would insult me and call me Balthasarian.
Actually, someone did once, long, long ago. It was during my comprehensives. I was being examined by John Saward, who turns out to be a... close disciple of von B himself. During the examination, Saward commented, "Your outline reflects the thought of von Balthasar. Have you read much of him?" "Oh, no, he's too deep for me! I got it all from... Pope John Paul."

[joseph elias]

excellent commentary.

[alicia]

I was received into the church by a Jesuit who also said my wedding mass. I think that part of the problem is that so many in the church (Jesuits and others) have become convinced that there is a dichotomy between the social and moral teachings of the church - as if by enforcing one you are neglecting the other. One the things I like about orthodox Catholicism is that instead of either/or there is this great both/and. It isn't soup kitchen or tabernacle, it's both. It isn't pro-life or pro-women, its both. Just about every dichotomy and inconsistency that the so-called liberals and the so-called conservatives find will dissolves into a false dichotomy upon deeper study and reflection. Chastity is not repressive, it frees both men and women from the burden of being driven by instincts instead of reason. We are NOT just mammals, we are human beings with body and soul integrated into our beings at the very depth. Dorothy Day and Fulton Sheen co-existed, and both were thoroughly Catholic, though one was labelled liberal and the other conservative.
I have a friend whose sig line on her e-mail says it well. It is Jack Kerouac "I am not a beatnik, I am a Catholic".
One of the things I love about the Jesuits is that they have not only Robert Drinan S.J.
http://www.cathfam.org/polrec/Fr.Drinan1.html
but also Father Fessio and Mitch Pacwa S.J.